Cook the macaroni according to the package instructions, aiming for al dente by setting the timer 30 seconds less than the minimum time. Drain and rinse with cold water.

While pasta cooks, finely chop the onion and soak it in a cup of ice water to reduce its sharpness and potential for heartburn.

In a large bowl, combine the chopped red bell pepper, celery, gherkins, and hard-boiled eggs. Drain the onions and add them to the mix. Stir in the cooked pasta.

For the dressing, mix the Miracle Whip, sour cream, pickle juice, red wine vinegar, sugar, and Dijon mustard in a medium bowl. Add a dash of garlic salt, a dash of celery seed, and a pinch each of kosher salt and black pepper. Whisk until smooth and adjust seasoning if necessary.

Pour the dressing over the pasta mixture and gently toss to coat evenly.

Chill the macaroni salad in a covered container in the refrigerator for at least an hour before serving. This salad can be prepared up to a day in advance; just stir before serving.